19 is a big, scary age. It's my last year of being a teenager, and it's finally started hitting me that pretty soon, I'm going to be in the big wide world, living away from home, starting my degree, and shaping myself into an adult. In some ways, I don't feel ready. I'm 19 and I still sleep with my teddies, I'm still scared of the dark, and I'm still afraid of strange men on buses. Sometimes, I don't think I'll ever be able to go out and live a normal life with all the worries and stresses that go through my head. Part of me wants to stay at home and feel safe forever, but I know that's not an option. A lot is going to happen this year, big and scary things, and while I'm pretty nervous about how I'll cope with all these changes, it's also really exciting. I feel like since I've started college, I've done so many things that a few years ago, I wouldn't have dreamed of doing. I've started studying somewhere completely new, where I knew nobody, and I've settled right in and made amazing new friends. I've been travelling to two different countries. My artwork has come on leaps and bounds and for the first time I'm starting to believe that I might actually be good at this whole art thing (ha! Wait for depression to come and kick that thought in the teeth). I can't wait to move out and start living for myself. I know it will be hard but I feel it's going to be really good for me to learn to be independent, and given that I've been accepted into the university (college) of my dreams, I'm more excited than ever to finally start taking my baby steps not just into my chosen career, but into my life as an adult.
Even scarier, my boyfriend, Connor, will be 20 next week, and given we've been dating since he was 15, it's strange to think that in a matter of days he will be a bona-fide adult. At least in age, anyway.
Birthdays always make me feel both a little sad and a little excited, but this year, I can't wait to see where I am by the time I'm 20. ;)
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